I Didn't Do Anything Wrong. I Didn't Do Anything Wrong. I Didn't Do Anything Wrong...

Trinity.  All sparkles and rainbows and ponies and squinkies...

Until things stop going her way.  When she's told to shower, or eat dinner, or put her clothes away, or go to bed, or clean her room...

It's been like this for 4 years, since she was two and learned what rules are. 

No, she's not autistic.  It's not that bad.  Not autistic bad.
To parents with autistic children, kudos, from the bottom of my heart from me to you.

As Doug looked up symptoms for ADHD to see if our son does any of that stuff (because Doug has ADHD), we realized Trinity fit every single symptom for ADHD minus the hyper-activity. 
Now, I haven't taken her to get her diagnosed or talked to her teacher about it because I don't want her to think she does anything different than other kids and I don't want to give her an excuse for her behavior. Since we talked about all of this the other night, I have been treating her as though she in fact, does have ADD.  And it's been working.  I have been more patient with her and making sure I take time to give her some choices for what to do or how to do things or what we have for dinner or which toothbrush she's going to use that night.

At first I couldn't help but feel like I was like the shittiest mom ever for not looking this up earlier.  I always just thought she was naughty and didn't care what we thought and I've said some things to her that I never, ever would have said if I even had a feeling she could possibly have a disability.  And then I thought "maybe I didn't compliment her enough", "maybe I spoiled her too much", "maybe I said something that scarred her into hating me for the rest of her life", "maybe if her dad and I were still together, she would be a good girl"... Then I finally stopping thinking about it as a problem and started thinking about it as a solution.  A solution to all our problems.  The way I talk to her and the way she talks to me, the way we decide what's for dinner, or how long she can watch tv in bed on a school night.  A solution to ending arguments (or not starting them at all). A solution to our boredom problems and the wall I had to have up to keep her in check.  She's not like other kids.  She's my special baby.  I love my big girl.

My reasoning for posting this is to ask you all for help.  If you have any positive comments for me or if you know of anything I could do for her now, PLEASE send me a comment.  This is rough, you guys.  I don't mind support or suggestions.